Thanks to those of you that left a comment and shared in all of my excitement about the ring. It really is a cool thing. Much more amazing than I had expected.
When Toad and I decided that we not only wanted to be together for the foreseeable future (which we decided pretty early on), but that we wanted to be together forever, we did exchange rings. We chose them together and decided that they would be our engagement symbol. We didn’t spend a lot of money, but we got something that we both liked and that meant something to us as a couple. They weren’t matchy matchy (bc we have pretty different styles), but they looked coordinated. They were an external symbol of the process we were (no pun intended) engaged in.
At some point during the wedding planning process I started getting really attached to the idea of traditional symbols. Certainly our relationship is not a traditional one, but it is actually for this reason that I’ve started to feel that traditional symbols have new (and perhaps greater) meaning for us. As a traditionally feminine woman, I have spent a lot of energy in conversations that run along this oh so predictable line – “No, really, I am gay. I like girls. Whatever you want to call that. Yes, I know I don’t look like you think a lesbian should look, but guess what? This is what a lesbian looks like”. I’ve grown tired of the conversation. It’s old and I have nothing more illuminating to say about it anymore. So, to return to the idea of the traditional symbol, these symbols provide some kind of system of shared meaning. As oppressive and horrific as they may be in many respects, we all get it. We know the language. When we see a woman with a diamond on her left hand we all know what that means. There is no ambiguity about that. When my diamond wearing hand rests on my partners’ knee, there is no denying what is going on between us. There is no ambiguity there. No shades of grey. It is, very much, exactly what it is.
And so….. I started dreaming of diamonds. Of a simple, beautiful symbol that would erase any impulse to deny that these two women are together. This is not a mirage. It won’t go away if you squint your eyes. It’s real. And my girl listened to me. I had NO IDEA that she was buying this ring. None. I knew that I wanted one, but I also knew that I didn’t need one. Who really NEEDS a diamond anyway? It struck me as a little frivoulous to have the desire in the first place, but that didn’t make it go away. And then, she asked to see my original ring. I was washing dishes and she just asked to see it. So I handed it over and got back to work. When I was finished, she slid the new ring on my finger. I’ve never been so surprised and I’ve never felt so truly known. I love this girl.