Blue in the Sky

A lesbian wife and mother tries her hand at something new. Surely there is a hat that fits out there somewhere!

Strange Snippets from Yoga Saturday January 17, 2009

Filed under: Daily Life — The Professor @ 10:42 am

We have arrived at the grandparents and will be taking Baker back home with us tmw.  It’s really happening!!!!  Our house is ready with new food bowls and dog treats for Baker and a baby gate for Gadget.  I set that up a few days ago so he could get used to the idea of negotiating the gate when he needed or wanted to get down to the basement.  I’ve set his food and water bowls down there in one of his favorite sunny spots, so we won’t have to be worried about Baker eating all of the cat food.  I think this will work.  Gadget won’t be confined to the basement, but he can have his own space if he wants to get away from Baker.  The Gadgets Meets Baker adventure commences tomorrow evening.


I’m in week two of my Bikram Yoga practice and I want to remember how weird the whole thing is before I get totally sucked into it and start thinking it’s normal.  The strangest thing about a Bikram studio isn’t the 105 degrees or the weird outfits or the odd calm of everyone around you, it is BY FAR the script that the instructor uses to guide you through the session.  Our studio has four instructors and no matter who you get, they say the same things.  Toad was the first to point this out.  As we were leaving class the first night she said “Did you feel like you were in a Star Wars movie?  She sounded a lot like Yoda.”  Aside from the persistent encouragement and references to your internal organs, this is a really odd element of the script.  Apparently Bikram likes verbs at the end of sentences.  So, what follows is a list of some of the stranger things I’ve heard during my first two weeks at yoga.


“Push your right shoulder forward and open your chest like flower petal blooming”

“Feel the rush of highly oxygenated blood rushing towards your heart.”

“Go back.  Push back.  Push back.  Way back.  Change.”

“Bend at the waist and push your happy smiling face into your calves.  Head to the legs, stomach to the thighs.  From the side you look like Japanese ham sandwich.  No light. No space.”

“Really strong pose that one. ”

“Chin to the chest.  Pituitary thyroid marriage.  This is your flu shot.”

“This one the equivalent of running a fifty yard dash”


The Bikram world is a funny world it is.


2 Responses to “Strange Snippets from Yoga”

  1. theresa Says:

    You’re not becoming one of those weird yoga people, are you?

  2. […] then, though, I’ve lost it, and my body is not so bendy anymore. M now kicks yoga ass with bikram. I will join the ranks of the teachers who move the instruments in the music room out of the way […]

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