Blue in the Sky

A lesbian wife and mother tries her hand at something new. Surely there is a hat that fits out there somewhere!

Tuesday Daybook on Friday 10/30/09 Friday October 30, 2009

Filed under: Daybook — The Professor @ 6:27 pm

Outside my window…. it is grey.  Shocker.

I am thinking… that it might be possible to make peace with ambiguity.  Maybe.

I am thankful for… my wife.  I have been an emotional mess for much of the week and she’s been just great.  I’ve never had someone in my life that handles my emotionality with such calm.  It just doesn’t rattle her and that is so comforting.  I feel absolutely safe being “not ok” with her.  I finally have someone who lets me feel what I feel and doesn’t make it about them.  Thankful doesn’t get close.

From the kitchen…. the queen of routine is doing her thing.  Noodles, pistachios and grapes for lunch.  There’s been a lot of lately.  If by lately you mean the last six months.

I am wearing… comfy jeans, a brown long-sleeved henley, and warm socks.  It’s chilly today, so warm and comfy have the highest priority.

I am reading…all sorts of things.  I’m coming to the end of The Golden Compass and it wasn’t all that I dreamed of.  It wasn’t bad, but it didn’t suck me in.  This week I started listening to Dark Nights of the Soul and Thomas Moore actually reads it himself.  I like that.  Good timing with that one.

I am hoping… that Toad comes home from interview round two with a contract.

Around the house… everyone is home and I love that.  Toad is taking an academic day and so all four of us are spending the day together.  We slept in late (for us) and had a leisurely morning.  She brought me a pumpkin bagel from the Einsteins at the hospital yesterday, so I had that for breakfast.  Yum.  Toad is a little sniffly and is taking it easy hoping that she won’t get sick, so she did my long run with slow little me today.  It was a cool Fall morning at the lake with lots and lots of leaves.  Although I ran harder than I would have alone, it was great to be outside in the quiet with her.  Now, we’re both working companionably.  Well, she’s working and I’m blogging.

One of my favorite things… is feeling like I am caring for myself.  I’ve been a mess off and on this week, but I’ve made time for exercise and my morning pages each day.  So important.

A few plans for the rest of the week…. well, tmw is Halloween.  I’m not sure what we will do, but I’m sure we’ll get out there tmw night.  We’ve spent the last two Halloweens drinking wine and watching the festivities from the porch of some friends who live in Halloween central.  I imagine that is where we will end up.  On Sunday Toad flies to interview part deux.

A “picture thought I’m sharing… meeting my newest cousin in New Orleans a few months ago.  SO HAPPY for my aunt and uncle.  They have been waiting for this girl for a long time.

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See You Soon Girly!!! Wednesday October 28, 2009

Filed under: Music — The Professor @ 8:05 pm

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Major Achievement Tuesday October 27, 2009

Filed under: Career — The Professor @ 5:19 pm

It is Tuesday and I have not quit my job.  This is a major achievement.  Major.  There are many moments when I feel like I must be just plain crazy to have hung on to this job for as long as I have.  Yes it is a job.  Yes it is (for the most part) in my field.  Yes it is less than five miles from my house.  Yes it pays well.  None of these things are insignificant.  It’s a job that looks pretty good on paper.  However, what something looks like on paper has only a tenuous relationship with the reality of that something.  Here there is absolutely no relationship whatsoever.

I am into my third year of:

  • Teaching classes on topics that I ultimately don’t care very deeply about
  • Interactions with hostile and toxic colleagues (plural)
  • Working within a system that feels (from where I’m standing) broken
  • Trying to make small changes in the hopes that those changes will ripple outwards
  • Being alone in my concern that the system is broken

I have managed to put my head down and keep moving forward for two years.  I was pretty successful much of the time.  This year has been different.  I’m done.  Simple as that.  I can’t do it anymore.  I’m there, but I’m not there and I hate that.  I hate it for myself and I hate it for my students.  There’s got to be something else for me, I just wish I knew what that something was.

 

I Love Fall Sunday October 25, 2009

Filed under: Daily Life — The Professor @ 7:08 pm

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This is my favorite time of year.  Fall.  I love it.  The smell, the sounds, the quality of the light.  It’s unbelievably beautiful.  I was struck by the full force of it this AM during my run.  Perfect running weather – shorts, short sleeves and gloves.  Crisp and chilly.  Not enough to be cold, but just enough chill to keep you on your toes.  I like that.  The leaves really popped this weekend.  Suddenly the town is bright red and yellow.  Everywhere you look.  Color.  In the trees and fallen beneath them.  The world feels new.

 

Brain Dump – Randomness Saturday October 24, 2009

Filed under: Daily Life — The Professor @ 8:52 pm

I am having the kind of day where I want to write, but my brain lacks coherence.  The complete sentence eludes me.  In with the bullet.

  • My wife is moonlighting out-of-town this weekend and the house feels empty without her.
  • After being ridiculously worried throughout the day, Gadget made it home in time for bed last night.  I peeked out the front window before climbing into bed and there was a small black cat snuggled between the pumpkins on the front porch.  If I hadn’t been so eager to see him, I would have had to snap a picture.  The perfect Halloween shot.
  • Scrapping feels good.  I have spent the day in the basement and have made five pages so far.  A book on tape in the background, Baker on the couch and Gadget curled up beside my paints.  Love it.  Good for the soul.
  • Richard Nixon was a Quaker.  How did I miss this memo?!!  I learned this when we watched Frost/Nixon last weekend.  Who knew?  I didn’t.
  • I have recently become obsessed with Goldfish.  The cheddar snack fish.  Yum.  I am a kick kind of girl and right now my kick is Goldfish and dill pickles.  Salt anyone?
  • We have all but the official “sign your name on the dotted line” commitment from the employer of choice.  They want my girl and it’s looking like Toad and the Professor will be making a move this summer.
  • The Professor might not be a professor for much longer.  I am considering a career change.  I love teaching, but I don’t know how much longer I can stay in academia in research resistance mode.  I’m looking into both teaching gigs and counseling programs in our new spot.
  • We’re getting into Dexter around here.  It took Toad a few episodes to really get into it, but now we’re both hooked.  An interesting show.
  • Top Chef isn’t the same since Ashley was voted off.  It’s still a great show, but something is missing.
  • I am getting so very excited about house hunting and home decorating.  Cathi, the real estate agent that showed us around town when we went for the interview a while back, has set us up with email notifications for the neighborhoods that we like.  So far, we haven’t seen THE ONE, but it’s fun to look.
 

Gadget Trouble Friday October 23, 2009

Filed under: Daily Life — The Professor @ 7:50 am

A few months ago a new couple moved into the house next door.  This new couple brought two cats with them.  Two OUTSIDE cats.  Two outside cats that have become increasingly interested in our INSIDE cat.  Now, Gadget has always been something of a flight risk.  From time to time we have to watch our entrances and exits bc he gets an eye for the door.  It’s always been something that waxes and wanes.  Since the arrival of the cats next door, we have been in permanent wax.  It’s gotten so bad, that I’m worried about the boy.  I don’t want to jail him in the house if he wants to roam so badly, but I’m worried that he doesn’t know anything about life outside and he’s going to get hurt.  Then there’s the fact that he hasn’t had the shots he needs to be an outside cat and I’m thinking that is he keeps getting out we need to make a vet appointment.

The whole thing is frustrating.  He hasn’t stayed out for more than a couple of hours at a time and he’s never been out overnight, but the pull of the outside is getting worse.  He got out this AM when Baker and I left for our morning stroll.  Hopefully he’ll be back soon.

 

Tuesday Daybook on Saturday 10/17/09 Saturday October 17, 2009

Filed under: Daybook — The Professor @ 3:28 pm

Outside my window…. it is cold and grey.  Have I said that before?  Yeah…. I think I have.  WHAT.IS.UP.WITH.THIS.WEATHER.????  Do I live in the Pacific NW or what?  Enough.  Really.  Enough.

I am thinking… that I’m getting a cold.  Yuck.

I am thankful for… ridiculous pop culture distractions.  Bring it on Balloon Boy and crazy ass family!  Sometimes it just feels good to get lost in someone else’s bizarre circumstances.

From the kitchen…. cupboards are being filled.  Toad is running errands this afternoon (I can’t seem to detach myself from the couch) and she should be back soon with groceries for the week.

I am wearing… comfy jeans, a long-sleeved T shirt that I’ve had since high school, and blue socks with red hearts.

I am reading… the first in Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials series – The Golden Compass. Different, but interesting.  I always claim not to be a fantasy/sci fi kind of girl and then a book comes along and surprises me.  I like that.  I’ve also been working my way (slowly) through the text of A Course in Miracles.  Something about it clicked with me more deeply this week and I’m loving that too.

I am hoping… Yes I am.

Around the house… things are quiet.  Baker and Gadget are laid out on the bed and Toad is TCB.  I am alternating between grading avoidance, reading and watching Top Chef.  Have I mentioned that I LOVE Ashley?  I do.

One of my favorite things…from the week was coming home from work to find a package addressed to Toad from the employer of choice.  They sent her a nice sweatshirt hoody from the university.  How fun is that?!  We’re still waiting to get OFFICIAL word during her second visit in early November, but last week the department head called to let her know that she was their top pick by a long shot and that she should view the 2nd visit as more of a victory lap than an interview.

A few plans for the rest of the week…. At this point, the week is almost over.  The highlights have been going to hear Kathy Griffin do stand up, sharing dinner with friends on Wednesday and meeting a fun lesbian couple our age that just got to town.

A “picture thought I’m sharing…

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